There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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