dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
