yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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