you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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