I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
