"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
