My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
