I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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