did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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