I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
