We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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