direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
