My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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