I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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