My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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