dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
