The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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