Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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