i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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