good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
