You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
