ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
