Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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