Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
