WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
