I looked at my own cervix.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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