he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my being single is dangerous.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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