pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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