i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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