listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
