I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize