so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
