Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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