Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we made out on top of his cat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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