I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
