No, drunk sperm still make babies.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
