its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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