After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
