I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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