At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
