Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
