i would punch a child for taco bell
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
