It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
