If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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