i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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