Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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