My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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