I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize