What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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