I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
