tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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