do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
