lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize