He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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