the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
