shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you traded sex for a burrito?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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