i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
