Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
