My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
