Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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