Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
