dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I want is dick and wine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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