ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
smell my finger.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sext me about skeletons
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
