I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
