i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
