I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
