DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize